In a word: Fanny Packs

Right now we’re in the awkward phase where fanny packs are at the same time really uncool and really cool. It’s that crazy paradox that I was talking about last year: Something becomes cool and then more and more people start doing it… next thing you know your dad is wearing a pleather fanny pack and trying to get in all the photos your friends are taking. Some would call it a moment of clarity.

This is a good time to bring up a solid guideline: coolness is typically generation specific. This isn’t a set in stone rule, just a guideline. In other words: if you’re totally into something and your parents are also seriously into it… take a look at your self, pretty scary

it's no accident that without the fanny pack her outfit would be shapeless and unflattering

Interestingly enough the very thing that makes fanny packs uncool: that fact that they’re horribly ugly and embraced mostly by people who have no interest in fashion, is the exact thing that makes them so cool… Look at this dialectic in action:

When you see her you probably think something along the lines of, “Oh I haven’t see that in a while… what a new take.” Look at how sincerely she doesn’t care.  Her eyes say, ” It doesn’t matter what you think I’m wearing this because I like it, no other reason”

Obviously a "path of least resistance" type of guy

Now look at this guy, He literally does, not, care what you think. His fanny pack serves two purposes: it holds up his sweat pants  and it contains his wallet, cell phone, and keys… and some gum.

I know who you would rather hang out with, but ask yourself why?

If the dialectic of something being cool and sucking at the same time is too hard to understand, allow me to put it in terms that are easier to comprehend: On one hand you have capitalism on the other you have communism (this is all just theoretical because you can’t ever get all one or the other). You go far enough right capitalism becomes fascism… you go far enough left and communism becomes socialism… just a little bit farther right and left and you get to a party where Mussolini is riding a horse backwards and Lenin is wearing a clown nose and shoes and they’re each offering to play you a song on their shared kazoo.

It won’t always be this way, she won’t always be in to this bag, and he’ll die probably to be buried in a suit or something. Eventually you’ll be able to buy fanny packs at Banana Republic and Express, he won’t know because he doesn’t know what those stores are and she’ll be modeling backless Lycra body suits for American Apparel.

All I’m saying is take note because you can never stick a pin in cool, but at this moment cool is sitting right on top of uncool’s head, they’re both wearing fanny packs, one neon green, and one is velvet

Published in: on June 2, 2010 at 11:54 pm  Leave a Comment  

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